There’s no denying murder is a horrifying act and the idea that someone can do that to another human is abhorrent. Moral compass aside however, murder is really interesting. There’s a reason the media and general public respond to serial killers with such interest. There’s an inherent morbid curiosity contained within most human beings and serial killers or weird murder weapons are something we find equally fascinating and repulsive.
Here are a list of the top seven weirdest murder weapons ranging from the ‘okay I can kinda see how that works’ to the ‘I’m sorry they used what?!’
Number Seven: A Chess Board
You might now be thinking that a chessboard is a pretty bizarre object to manage to beat someone to death. Especially considering they’re only on average about twice as thick as a normal piece of cardboard; but this chessboard is the exception.
According to a 14th century Viking legend two Norsemen, Faber and Sowden engaged in a “friendly” game of chess – using a heavy ancient chessboard and pieces made of stone. Do you see where this is going yet?
Due to being men and Vikings, things swiftly turned from friendly to angry as testosterone started to play as big of a part in the game as the pieces themselves. As all humans apparently degenerate into five-year olds when losing is involved, they swiftly began throwing pieces before Sowden, losing all sense of rationality completely, picked up the chessboard and bashed Faber over the head with it killing him instantly.
Number Six: Stiletto Heel
We’ve all been there, your partner just won’t shut up, you’re drunk and in a bad mood and soon heated words start to fly. Things escalate, people start screaming and crying and soon you have no choice other than to stab them to death with the stiletto heel on your shoe.
I’m going to assume I lost you at some point around the stabbing. But that’s exactly what Texan Ana Trujillo decided to do in 2013 when her Swedish partner Alf Stefan Anderson and she got into a fight that culminated in her stabbing him 25 times in the head with her 5 and a half inch stiletto. Her claims of self-defence were largely ignored, although the fact that it was a drunken argument does go a long way to explaining why someone stabs someone with a shoe.
Number Five: Prosthetic Leg
This one goes on this list for sheer determination. In 2010 Debra Hewitt of Louisiana killed her boyfriend by beating him to death with a prosthetic leg. Did I mention it was her own leg she used? That’s right, this woman detached her own leg and whilst standing on the other proceeded to beat her boyfriend to death with it.
If that wasn’t creepy or just plain crazy enough, it turns out her nickname was “Angel” leading to her being known as the “Angel of Death.” I don’t know about you, but the sheer force of will behind that is scary enough, although not quite as weird as being killed with an everyday item such as….
Number Four: A Dessert Spoon
I’m not talking about some novelty version of a dessert spoon or an ancient and heavy version like the chessboard. There’s no catch, somebody died because another person hit them over the head with a regular, everyday spoon.
Richard Clare escaped from a drug rehab centre in Hertfordshire in the early 2000’s. He immediately decided the most sensible course of action would be to chase down an old friend of his Timothy Magee and demand money from him. When the disabled Magee refused, Clare, for reasons best known to himself, decided to whack Magee over the head with a dessert spoon. This sounds like something you might do whilst chastising an obstinate child, but in this case it ruptured an artery in the back of Magee’s head leading to fatal bleeding.
Be careful next time you eat ice cream kids, any spoon could be a murder weapon!
Number Three: An Umbrella
This is without a doubt my favourite although there are two that top it in terms of weirdness; but I’m British and this is so James Bond spy espionage-esque that I can’t help but love it. Throw in politics and finely dressed men carrying umbrellas, what more could a Brit want?
Despite the above though, these guys weren’t British; the murder victim was Georgi Markov – a Bulgarian Dissident who had made himself unpopular with politicians and their communist supporters. On the birthday of Markov’s favourite target – politician Todor Zhivkov, two gentlemen finally decided to take revenge on the outspoken man. As Markov was enjoying the fabulous British weather, wandering across London Bridge another man brushed past him, seemingly innocently nudging him with the tip of his umbrella.
An umbrella that as it turns out had a penetrating tip that contained the deadly poison ricin. Markov obliviously carried on his merry way, only to keel over and die a few hours later, when the murderers and the murder weapon were both far far away.
Number Two: Guitar String
This has earned its place as number two on this list just from being plain gory/flat out disturbing. Not only did James Harris murder James Gerety with a guitar string (don’t worry we’ll get to that); but he also spent at least two days prior torturing the man horribly and shot him in the stomach.
Good old Harris decided this wasn’t enough to put Gerety through and in a particularly inventive move decapitated him with a guitar string. This is some ‘Final Destination’ level of horrifying death. And it’s only made creepier by Harris’ girlfriends testimony that Harris then kept the head for weeks for some sort of religious practice that has never been fully explained.
One thing’s for sure though, there’s pretty much only one way that’s more twisted to go than decapitation by guitar string and that brings us to…..
The Weirdest Murder Weapon….
Number One: Death by Dildo
First of all, shout out to my housemate for coming up with that brilliant name for Ramon Navarro’s demise.
For those of you who haven’t heard of him, Ramon Navarro was a star of the silent film era. He shot to fame after Rudolph Valentino’s death to become Hollywood’s biggest sex symbol (ironically it was Valentino’s present from 45 years earlier that became the murder weapon).
Navarro was gay, which back in 1940’s America was just as bad as being black, so it’s something Navarro unsurprisingly liked to keep to himself. This also meant he had to rely on clandestine sexual encounters to satisfy his libido. One night in 1968 after hiring the two Ferguson brothers from an agency to come to his home, he very quickly regretted this decision.
Having heard that Navarro kept a large amount of cash in his home they decided to rob him. This changed when after hours of Navarro refusing to give information, they chose to kill him instead. Grabbing the lead Art Décor dildo presented to him by Rudolph Valentino, they shoved it down Navarro’s throat forcing him to choke to death on his own blood.
If that doesn’t sum up Hollywood I don’t know what will.